OSLO, Norway — The Norwegian Nobel Committee announced today a new category of Nobel prizes, and Donald Trump will be the award’s first-ever recipient. New in 2026, the Nobel Piece of Shit Prize honors the international figure who, in the year prior, deserves recognition as the world’s biggest piece of shit.
“We witnessed all of Donald Trump’s efforts to pressure us into giving him a Nobel Peace Prize, and we took that message to heart,” says Nobel Committee Member Engrid Drittsnakker. “He isn’t worthy of a Nobel Peace Prize, obviously. Not with all of his wars and denouncements and threats. But we wanted to honor him in his own, special way with an entirely new award. And we think he definitely deserves it.”
The Nobel Committee says their Nobel Piece of Shit Prize will be issued yearly alongside their other prizes and awards. “Donald Trump definitely deserves this recognition,” Drittsnakker explains. “He’s a shitty racist pedophile who literally shits his pants on television all the time. He stands accused of raping dozens of women and children. He just put out a super racist video depicting the Obamas as monkeys, because he’s a racist piece of shit. Fuck that guy. Or better yet … don’t.”
Donald Trump accepts Nobel Piece of Shit Prize with gratitude
Trump was excited to win the prize. “This is tremendous, a great honor,” Trump proclaimed, in a statement issued from the White House. “A beautiful prize. The Best. Thank you.
“It’s about time the Nobel people and the Norway people recognized my great talents, my shits, they’re the biggest aren’t they? The best. I shit myself on TV the other day. Did you see that? That lady standing behind me, she’s maybe too old for me, I like them on the younger side. But did you see her face? I gave her pinkeye from three feet away. My fart, it smelled so bad she still hasn’t wanted to eat any food. Can you believe it? She stood right there behind a pedophile and took a big brown cowpie and didn’t faint. Talk about a brown-noser.”
Trump then ran inside, with Stephen Miller walking behind him, carrying what appeared to be a gold champagne ice bucket. We cannot report at this time whether his underwear survived the afternoon or not.
